In between days

Here I am, 47 years old and listening to really sad music that makes me happy. Some things never change :)

I've not been blogging because frankly, I don't feel like there's a lot going on. It feels great to be well and working out 8 days a week. I feel strong and I'm running (almost) faster than ever which is huge for me after getting slower and heavier during my year of marathon training. I've been running races, climbing Stone Mountain and leading Peachtree training again. Oh and renovating my house and doing my job which is busier than ever (in a good way) and sometimes even working on my book.

One would think that was enough stuff but there's still a hole. Sometimes it's a small one and other times it's as big as the one on our most recently collapsed interstate 85.

There are times when I am not working out or working or sleeping or socializing (believe it or not!) and I'm just here, in my house by myself. Since that horrible morning 9 months ago today, I haven't been able to focus on a book or a show or even an article. I can MAYBE mange to flip through Cooking Light or Runner's World but most of the time I just sit on our/my back porch watching the grass grow.

Something I practice regularly in running and yoga is how to just be. Whether it's 'just be' sweaty, sore, in pain, tired etc. or in this case sad, anxious. That part of the work is much harder for me that the physical part. I can't/shouldn't replace the empty with food or tequila or any other distractions. I just need to be with it sometimes.

So yeah, it's been 9 months and I've been working on this post for a week. This morning I went all in - I drove right by THE spot where my husband took his last breath at just about the exact time of the morning and then I went to yoga. I'm not sure I've ever been so thankful to see my yogis.

Sitting with the poison takes away the pain. Up and up. - Coldplay
(Ali Tait HATED Coldplay lol)