Spending time in my own head - its dark and full of cobwebs in here
Aside from the emotional eating, my time alone at home the past few days has been pretty good for me. Being alone forces me back in my own head. I used to spend a lot of time there when I was single but now that I have a husband, 2 dogs and a full time job with a nasty commute, I haven't been in there much. Even though it's dark and scary sometimes I've learned not to be afraid of it.
I was one of the lucky ones who knew who I was and what I wanted to be from a very early age. I knew I wanted to be an artist and I've never been shy or quiet. In fact the jokes at our wedding centered around the fact that neither of us ever really shut up. Sometimes I wonder if i've used humor to compensate for being overweight most of my life but that doesn't really matter to me because I love who I am as a person. So here comes the but... (giant lard butt in fact) ...this enormously padded body I'm in isn't me at all. I can feel me in there somewhere and right now "me" can barely get up the stairs. Unacceptable.
I feel like I have everything in the world I could want but I still find myself longing to be someone else on the outside. I see people out in the world and think "I want to be that girl". That's SO not me. I love myself. I have everything I could want. What's the problem then? I've become self-concious. Once again, unacceptable.
I thought I would start by defining to who "that girl" is.
That Girl (cue 60's TV show theme tune)
• runs outdoors in the rain, heat, snow, ice, dark etc.
• loves vegetables and has the energy to grow her own
• plans and cooks delicious healthy recipes all the time
• is up before dawn
• goes hiking/walking on the weekend
• does HGTV projects instead of watching HGTV projects while smoking cigarettes
• rewards herself with mani/pedis instead of food
• wears cute knee boots and skirts
• walks the 3-Day every year without thinking she's going to die on day 1
• never sets foot in a drive-thru
• wears workout clothes because she was at the gym and not because nothing else fits
That list will probably grow but I thought I'd get it down here so I could reference it often.
I'm a big believer in the power of postive thought and it is now my mission to BE "that girl". It sounds so much more fun and rewarding that "going on a diet". Besides I think that it's the healthy lifestyle I crave more so than the body that comes with it. Now if I can just remember I crave that and not halloween candy we'll be all set.
I was one of the lucky ones who knew who I was and what I wanted to be from a very early age. I knew I wanted to be an artist and I've never been shy or quiet. In fact the jokes at our wedding centered around the fact that neither of us ever really shut up. Sometimes I wonder if i've used humor to compensate for being overweight most of my life but that doesn't really matter to me because I love who I am as a person. So here comes the but... (giant lard butt in fact) ...this enormously padded body I'm in isn't me at all. I can feel me in there somewhere and right now "me" can barely get up the stairs. Unacceptable.
I feel like I have everything in the world I could want but I still find myself longing to be someone else on the outside. I see people out in the world and think "I want to be that girl". That's SO not me. I love myself. I have everything I could want. What's the problem then? I've become self-concious. Once again, unacceptable.
I thought I would start by defining to who "that girl" is.
That Girl (cue 60's TV show theme tune)
• runs outdoors in the rain, heat, snow, ice, dark etc.
• loves vegetables and has the energy to grow her own
• plans and cooks delicious healthy recipes all the time
• is up before dawn
• goes hiking/walking on the weekend
• does HGTV projects instead of watching HGTV projects while smoking cigarettes
• rewards herself with mani/pedis instead of food
• wears cute knee boots and skirts
• walks the 3-Day every year without thinking she's going to die on day 1
• never sets foot in a drive-thru
• wears workout clothes because she was at the gym and not because nothing else fits
That list will probably grow but I thought I'd get it down here so I could reference it often.
I'm a big believer in the power of postive thought and it is now my mission to BE "that girl". It sounds so much more fun and rewarding that "going on a diet". Besides I think that it's the healthy lifestyle I crave more so than the body that comes with it. Now if I can just remember I crave that and not halloween candy we'll be all set.