Just call me Dr. House

Because I'm a brilliant diagnostician and I'm on Vicodin!

Yes I was right about the umbilical hernia. My doc was a little worried about it because she said I shouldn't be in as much pain as I was so she ran some rush labs making sure I didn't have an infection or anything. She tried calling her surgeon friend but it was already too late in the day on a Friday for us to get anywhere.

Hopefully I'll be meeting with the surgeon in the next day or 2 and getting this over with fast. I've read different things about the actual surgery but methods vary based on the size of the problem so I will have to get the full scoop from the doctor (imagine that!!)

I'm not too worried about it but I'm not sure if it's really sunk in yet. I've never had a single medical problem in my life. Ha! Welcome to 40.

I will keep y'all posted and thanks so much for the good vibes!!

cramping my style

Ever since the invention of the internet, I have loved to self-diagnose any and all medical issues. After exhaustive research, have come to the conclusion that I have an umbilical hernia and it's not going to go away by itself. Sooo, I'm off to the doctor this afternoon to see what that's all about.

I've had symptoms for a while now but it's always gone away after a day or 2. My old doctor completely blew it off saying that if there was no lump, it wasn't a big deal. My whole stomach is one big lump so I don't know how I'm supposed to tell :)

From what I can tell, this particular hernia occurs either from birth, from gaining and losing weight over the years, or just from obesity in general. I'm not TOO worried about it but as someone who is "ridiculously healthy" (according to my doctors), I'm not used to having any issues at all.

I will keep y'all posted. My biggest fear is being "benched". I'm not one to sit around. Ever!

Finally!

Finally, I lost 2 pounds this week!
Finally, it was warm enough to wear flip flops again!
Finally, I'm getting the hang of this working at home thing!

I feel like I've made even more progress in the last few weeks trying to find the balance of it ALL. Trying not to over complicate everything like I have a tendency to do.

I still need to exercise more, drink more water and eat less red meat but I'm doing pretty good. I have more work than I know what to do with but since the sun has been shining, I'm much more tempted to get out in the sunshine and walk or go to the gym.

Funny how the Spring always invigorates me. Gave me an excuse to treat myself to a pedicure too!

I hope everyone is doing well. I have a deadline but will catch up soon!

Rediscovering my waistline

I know I'm still being a terrible blogger and not posting enough but I'm accepting that this is just how it is for now and I will eventually find a balance and not have to work as hard as I have been.

The scale is STILL not moving but my body is completely changing. I have no idea what's up with that other than maybe I'll wake up one day having lost 10 pounds. People have even started to notice! Swimming has started to make my shoulders look strong and my waist has made a comeback. My butt is higher and my legs are strong. My skin is dry and my highlights are faded but the positives are definitely outweighing the negatives.

Tomorrow is a huge day for me. I've decided I'm going to attempt a spin class. My choices are 6am or 5:30 pm. Not sure which one I'm going to do yet but most likely the PM version. I've always been terrified of it for a few reasons like not knowing how to adjust the bike or never being able to sit down again after but I have to conquer this silly fear. I parade around in my bathing suit at the gym so how hard can this be?!?! My best friend is visiting and she went on Sunday (she's a pro at it) and was able to report to me that it was full of all different kinds of people at all different levels and that there was nothing to be afraid of. Wish me luck. I don't think spin has ever killed anyone but I might be the first.

So there you have it folks. I'm proud to say exercise has kept me off my anxiety meds and aside from the occasional foul mood for no reason and lack of weight loss, I think I'm doing pretty well. Nothing to do except keep on keeping on. I'm hoping that once our coldest winter on record is over, I will be ready to kick it up a notch and maybe even drop some pounds.

Hope everyone is doing well. I have some catching up to do!!

Weighing In

I was really hoping today would be a great weigh in but TOM has barged right in and ruined it. At least it makes me laugh now after Jack's story.

I stayed the same and that's fine because I can literally feel the water weight.

Meanwhile, I'm finding my groove and celebrating a few NSV's.

1. I'm proud of myself for working 14 hour days and finding time to work out and eat right. It's been stressful at times but my husbands support has really helped. We're in this together!

2. I'm getting stronger and faster - I swam and walked on the treadmill all week and I can feel a serious difference in my speed and my stamina. Yesterday I got up to 450 calories burned. I'm hoping to break the 500 mark next week.

3. I'm also seeing some definition (a lot in the butt region)

4. My skin hasn't looked this good in a long time. Probably because I haven't had much sugar and more good fat.

I hope everyone has a great weekend!

checking in!

Another crazy week almost over. Sorry I haven't been around but right now I feel like I have to take every single little job that comes my way and if my blog has to suffer, so be it.

I haven't been to the gym in 3 days and have lost 3 pounds. Now I'm not using this as an excuse not to go to the gym but really?? :)

In the midst of all the crazy, some good things have been happening. I have an offer from my friends personal trainer in Florida to virtually train me in trade for helping her with some press releases. She's a martial arts master and an Olympic Athlete among other things. She wants a week's food and activity log and then she'll set me up on a plan. I love the coach I have at the Y but he's way too busy to give me the personal attention I need at the moment. The new trainer is saying absolutely no weights in the beginning. All cardio. I know that there's so much disagreement out there about whether to lift or not but I'm going to see if this works for a while. She wants me to start the journal for her on a Monday so hopefully by the following week, I'll have her analysis. In the meantime, I'm getting my ass back to the gym I swear. I need to stay off the Lexapro.

The best news of all? I have a lunch date with Tammy on Sunday. This is the first time ever meeting a blog friend in person. She's done so well and has been such a huge support to me. I'm so excited! We will make sure to take a picture!

Anyway, back to the grind. Time for some lunch, a walk, and more work!

Time to experiment

Thank you all so much for all your comments on yesterdays post. I really appreciate all the advice and it helped me face the scale for my Friday weigh in which is almost unbelievably up a pound. Whatever. Just more proof I need to play around with what I'm doing before I freak out any more.
Sometimes I really don't know what I would do without my blog and my blog friends.

First of all, an example of what my diet has been like for those of you who were kind enough to offer to look at it.

Typical day:
Breakfast: Steel Cut Oats with a couple tablespoons dried fruit and a splash of soymilk
After gym snack: banana and 2 teaspoons of peanut butter
Lunch: sandwich turkey and lowfat cheese on a sandwich thin or half sandwich on organic rye lettuce and tomato.
Afternoon snack: 10 almonds and lowfat string cheese
Dinner: 6oz protein of some sort, vegetables and occasionally some brown rice.
Snack: 1% Milk and a 60 cal sugar free pudding or a graham cracker.

Here is an example of my daily Sparkpeople stats




I seem to be okay in most things. I'm definitely not eating enough vegetables but I usually start eating salads in the spring again.

One comment I got that was really interesting was about the Lexapro. I know I gained weight when I was on it and after doing a little bit of research, lots of people have had problems losing while they were on it and for a month or so after going off of it. I'm staying off of it and continuing to try to combat my anxiety issues with exercise. I also realized I no longer spend $20 a month on the pills which now goes to my gym membership:)

Here's my plan for the next month:
Learn my BMR and really work the numbers on my calorie intake (this is hard for me. I suck at math. I'm a fine arts major!)
Track measurements and body fat percentage
Reduce carbs (keeping oatmeal but focusing on protein and veggies for the rest of the day)
More water
500 calorie burning cardio sessions 6-7 days per week
no weight machines, just abs, pushups, squats and lunges

Thank you all again for all the advice and contributing to my plan for the next month. Please feel free to critique and keep it coming. I feel like I have so many people cheering me on and that's the main reason I'm not giving up.

I've gotten a few awards lately and I so appreciate them but haven't been in the best frame of mind to acknowledge them yet. I have a post saved as a draft and I promise to get to that this weekend.

Have a great weekend all my blogofriends!

One month of gym

It's been exactly a month since I joined the gym. Out of those 30 days I've been there 24 times.

I got on the scale and it STILL hasn't moved. Only 3 pounds in one month. I know that people say (but Jillian doesn't agree) that muscle weighs more than fat. That's great but surely there should be some progress by now.

Let me preface the rest of this post by saying I'm not giving up (yet)

I feel like I've tried everything. I'm sitting here typing in tears because I think I'm eventually going to have to have surgery. The thyroid has been checked 800 million times. I've been on every diet on earth. When I lost 100 pounds it was because I was working out like crazy and not eating. Don't think I haven't thought about doing that again. Some of my skinniest friends never eat. Maybe a steady diet of lattes, cigarettes and cocaine?

I'm eating 1500 calories a day, working out 6 days a week, not drinking alcohol, drinking more water. I don't know what else to do.

I'm going to shoot for another month of 6 days a week at the gym and maybe dropping my calories to 1300 or 1400. I'm also going to finally do my BMR to make sure I have a daily calorie deficit. Then, one more trip to the doctor for the thyroid test(which is borderline but still normal). Next stop, lap band seminar. I just can't imagine life after that surgery but is it better than being fat and on the fast road to dying young? My father died at 49. Only 9 years away.

I don't think I've mentioned this but I've been off Lexapro for over a month and I've been doing really well until today. My anxiety issues are all brought on by other people (my doctor said "aren't they all" which I thought was quite funny) I had a small anxiety attack in the pool because it was really crowded and someone wanted to share my lane. I explained that I was fat and slow but skinny miss pro swimmer didn't seem to mind until she realized I was indeed slow (like I said) I take up twice as much room as they do so why don't they just share lanes with each other? They have the lanes marked fast and medium but not a slow or even beached whale option. You think you could tell by looking at me that I wasn't in the fast or even medium category. Finally she went off to share a lane with her kind but I was already so worked up I only managed 3/4 of my workout. As soon as I got out of the pool the senior water aerobics class were all getting out and showering and I thought I was going to explode.

Sorry to dump this all out here today. I know it's a mess of a post going in a million different directions but I might really be at the end of my rope this time and I feel like it's important to put it all out there. If anyone has any advice about what I might be doing wrong please let me know. I thought I knew it all in regards to diet and exercise but maybe I don't.

still swimming

I have been a bad blogger and a bad blog friend. I just haven't had a second!

After a big struggle, I'm finally falling into my routine of eating right, working out 6 days a week and still managing to work for myself about 10 hours a day. It's been just about a month since I've been religiously working out and while the scale is not showing huge losses, I feel a bazillion times better. The working out is giving me the energy to do the work I need to do to get my business up and running.

Back in the days of working for the man, I always dreamed of working at home with my dogs and being the "superwoman" who could work, and blog, and exercise, and keep an immaculate house. Never did I realize how fast a day can go by. I'll be sitting at the computer and suddenly it's 5:00 and I haven't even showered much less started dinner or laundry or anything else that needs to get done. I think now that I'm on a good schedule, I can try to at least incorporate one household chore per day. I told my husband I was going to make a chore chart like when I was a kid. Actually, that's not a half bad idea :)

I have been entering my calories every day in Spark People and just haven't managed to do the math to update my calorie countdown. I will I promise. I did manage to put up last weeks loss though. Not impressive numbers by any means but I really can feel a difference. Scale can suck it. Hope everyone is having a great week!!

Monday Mix Tape - Extended version

Happy Monday everyone! Since I left my job, that phrase is no longer an oxymoron. There can be such a thing as a happy Monday! It makes me realize how miserable I was and how badly I was treated. There may even be a shred of self-confidence working its way back to the surface!
I'm sitting here about to get to work, surrounded by the smell of chlorine (after 2 showers) and my muscles are zinging from a 45 minute swim. I feel great!

I have to be on my best behavior this week since I'm starting a week long food and activity journal for the wonderful woman who is going to virtually train me. I have stocked the fridge with lean protein and veggies, I have every meal planned and written on the calendar as well as every workout through Saturday. I'm the picture of perfection! :)

Although I worked a lot, the weekend was great and I finally got to meet our friend Tammy! We had a great lunch at the Cheesecake Factory and if you haven't seen it on her blog, here are the pics!

Tammy is so sweet and funny and a huge support to me. Although we live pretty far apart, I plan on spending a lot more time with this chick!

And finally, it's time I addressed some awards I've received lately!













Thank you to
heather at going from fat to well-rounded (love the name!)
Margo
Okay there were like 5 more and I'm a dumbass and just deleted the links I've been saving and can't bring them back. Grrrr. Instead of being mad about it I'll just do what I'm supposed to do and list 1o things that make me happy - it's hard to narrow it down! (no particular order btw)

1. My husband. Every single day I see his sweet face I can't believe how lucky I am.
2. Dogs. The more the better. I've said before if I were to win the lottery I would open the worlds biggest dog-rescue farm.
3. Design. I consider myself blessed to have the ability to create just about anything. Nothing makes me happier than a beautifully executed idea. I love to see a soda can or a logo I designed out in the real world.
4. DIY. I love any project around the house or yard that requires tons of work and getting dirty. I also like to watch all the shows of people DIY stuff while I drink coffee.
5. Coffee. The more expensive the better!
6. Swimming. I love to be in the water. Ocean or pool. I grew up in Sarasota Florida and miss it desperately. One day when I have my successful company that runs itself, I will live there again. Then I will have a pool in my backyard and will share a lane with NO ONE! :)
7. Friends. I don't have a ton of friends like I used to but the ones I have are the best.
8. Music. I'm a complete dork when it comes to music. I still love everything from the 80s and will not miss a Duran Duran concert (once I went 3 out of 5 nights they were here). I sing all the time (only by myself) and its REALLY hard not to sing at the gym with my ipod on.
9. My mom. She is the most amazing, supportive, sweet little mom anyone could have. She lives with my step-dad in the middle of the mountains in North Carolina. I love being only 2 hours away so we can go visit anytime. It always feels like a vacation! 2 out of 2 dogs agree.
10. My blog. I can't believe I've kept this up as long as I have. I'm not a writer by any means and it means so much to me that people continue to read my blog. Even the bloggers who have lost tons of weight and gained hundreds of followers take the time to check in on me. Thank you all!

Whew. Anyone still with me? I'm done now! Time to get work. Have a great week everybody!