whew!

Huge sigh of relief. The interview is over (for now) I think it went really well. Most of the things she said I liked and there were a few things that scared me (as in the word Diva being brought up in regard to culture) but there are fashion designers involved and that is to be expected. I want this job and for now, I'm leaving it up to the universe. It's going to be panic all over again if I get a second interview!

In the meantime, I'm so freaking busy it's ridiculous so until I can go home and have a glass of wine, I'll be working my butt off. I promise to keep y'all posted and thanks so much for the thoughts, prayers and well wishes!

Finally!

It seems like it's been months since I had any good news with regard to weight loss or anything else for that matter. My weight has been staying the same and as y'all know I was feeling like I was at a dead end in my career.

Well, I lost a whole pound this week, even while traveling.

AND

I have an interview on Tuesday morning for the dream job I applied for months ago!

I'm freaking out of course about what to wear and if I'm good enough to go from a tiny company to a billion dollar company and a million other neurotic thoughts but that leads me to an important point.

My heart has been heavy since I heard the news about Jen's mom. I don't know them at all but I feel like I do and have had them all in my thoughts all week. I had written her a little note about how I lost my dad suddenly but still talk to him all the time. In fact, all weekend I was having "discussions" with him about my career since he was a well respected and successful business man. This phone call for this interview was proof to me that he is still there and looking out for me all the time. Jen, if you're reading this, I hope it helps to know that.

In the meantime, I'm going to work out every day before my interview. Even though I can't lose 100 pounds before I go, I know I will feel more confident. I'm definitely putting the Y on hold because if I get this job, I will work across the street from an awesome gym. That and saving 80 minutes of driving PER DAY! If I convert driving time to cardio time, I'll be at goal before I know it! :)

Back to reality!

Longboat Key at Sunset. The girl next to me is a triathlete and I never meant to have a picture of my ass taken standing next to her :)

The majority of these girls I hadn't seen in 20 years. We do not look like a bunch of almost 40 year olds. Can't believe I grew up in such a pretty place.

Another weekend, another short trip to Florida! This time for a baby shower for a high school friend which turned into the high school reunion I missed last October. We had such a great time and I was very happy that the one of us who became a millionaire that was the one who threw the shower! Nothing like a free weekend in a beach house with a catered party! :)

Once again, I had about an hour to float around in the Gulf. The week leading up to my trip was hard and stressful and I just couldn't shed the anxiety, even though I was exercising. I had quite a few xanax last week which I only use for "emergencies". Today I'm relaxed again and I owe it all to the beach! I say this every time I come back but some day I will end up back there again.

I'm looking forward to being back in the gym tonight. Not dreading it at all which is odd. Maybe it's because I'm so relaxed. Maybe it's starting to finally become a habit. For now I will keep exercising after work until I have a minute to figure out how to afford the Y.

Looking forward to catching up. Hope you all are having a great week!!

A revelation

I have been slack on the posting but I had a ton of work to do and felt it would be better to get that done before blogging. Now it's Wednesday already and I haven't had a minute to breathe!

Still on an emotional roller coaster ride but I had a revelation on the elliptical last night. While the rest of my life is rather crazy and out of control, the one and only thing I have complete control over is myself. I've been feeling so powerLESS over my job and the general state of the economy and the only time I feel powerFUL is when I'm drenched in sweat while pushing my body to its limits. I have read some posts from other bloggers regarding this but it's one of those you have to experience for yourself to really get it. Next time I'm trying to talk myself out of exercising, I will remember that one for sure.

It's going to be another couple of weeks before I can use my 7 day pass at the Y. I'm out of town on Friday and Monday and didn't want to waste any of it. I will keep y'all posted.

Hope everyone is having a great week. I'm hoping to catch up on some blog reading!

Okay, here we go again!

Y'all made me blush with all your sweet comments about my pictures. I'm going to put more up because it sure made me feel great about myself ;) I get so many compliments on that dress and it was a $20 find at Ross! I found 2 dresses that day. Sometimes you just get lucky...or maybe it's just constant prayers to the Gods of plus-size fashion. Prayers for sleeves have yet to be answered :)

What a week it's been. I'm having a dinner party Saturday night and I'm making a chicken curry (Jalfrezi) from scratch. I've been freaking out about it all week and had to take a xanax last night just to calm down. I had a schedule of getting everything I needed and then got a desperate call from a friend who's baby arrived a month and a half early and needed me to help him finish painting the last room in the house they've entirely remodeled for the baby. It turned out to be a good thing because I helped a friend, got a great workout and a beautiful baby girl was born early but healthy!

My best friend is here this weekend and the favorite neighbors are coming over to join us for the curry night so I was up at 6 cleaning. I have been more relaxed about the cleaning thing lately but suddenly I'm a freak about it again. I think it's hormonal and once I have some wine with my friend I can let it all go! I'm excited to go to the farmers market and the Indian grocery store to get all my exotic ingredients and stock up on good things for the week ahead.

Speaking of the week ahead, my whole point of this post is that thanks to all of your help (my husband included!) we have found a solution to our workout schedule that should work at least in the short-term. I drop my husband off at work in the morning at the hospital where our gym is. We are simply going to get up, he will quickly walk the dogs while I pack up lunches (assembled the night before) and we will leave the house at 6:30. That gives us plenty of time to get there, work out for an hour and then get showered and ready to go to work. He has to walk across the street but I still have another 20 minute drive but this way I can keep my Weight Watchers membership and continue to use my regular gym which is very inexpensive.

Eventually, when we can afford it, we want to work out with a trainer once a week together. This week, we will start with Monday, Wednesday and Friday to let the dogs get used to being on their own longer so I'll find something to do on the days in between. Maybe Biggest Loser Yoga.

So, stay tuned for some glorious details of my journey to become a skinny morning person. I can't thank you enough for all of your help!

Re-evaluating

My favorite neighbor and I in the clubhouse. She is an actress/model which is never the kind of person you want to get your picture taken with. Luckily she's not tall.

The whole gang from our street.

Above are some pictures from the Gala on Friday night. I have to admit I didn't hate them and want to get rid of them. Some progress is being made! It was so much fun but I'm DEFINITELY not a regular country club type :)

It's been such a crazy week and it's only Wednesday. I've been feeling really tired, and cranky and then all of a sudden got my period and could not believe a month had passed already. Seems like if one thing disrupts my schedule, such as travel, everything falls out of place for weeks. Like a snowball, rolling down a hill, getting fatter by the minute :)

This leads me to my re-evaluation. I'm so glad I wrote about my daily schedule because it's helped me to do a lot of thinking about it. I can't keep living with the idea that my schedule is ever going to be flexible. I would love to work through lunch and get off early or come in early and leave early but that's just not something that is possible at my job. In fact, I asked to leave 5 minutes early for the Braves Game last week and that turned into a yelling match with my boss. Yes, I'm a VP and yes, I have to ask. I got such shit about it that I cried all the way home. I can't explain how the traffic here works but if I get a 5 minute head start, it saves me 20 minutes on my drive. He won't even give me 5 minutes to save me 20. I could go on and on about it but it's not going to change anything so I'm trying to figure out another way.

Working out after work has been okay for a while but getting home at 8:00 is not ideal when we go to bed at 10:00. Also, there are too many social obligations and life events that get in the way and lots of time to talk myself out of it.

So where does that leave me? Back to the sore subject of mornings which I've probably written about a million times by now. I can't go to my current gym in the morning because it's way too far but I have a gorgeous Y right around the corner from home. I'm thinking of quitting my Weight Watchers plan and joining. I can't afford both right now but I think I could use Sparkpeople the same way I use Weight Watchers. If I got up at 5:45, I could have an hour to work out and an hour to do all my other morning things. I would have to break up with the Today Show but I can listen to news and drink my coffee in the car.

See that gorgeous Indian woman 3 people from the right in the group picture? She works out every day at the crack of dawn at our Y. She's 6 months pregnant too. We all joke about how she makes us all feel like a bunch of lazy asses but maybe I should take that seriously. She obviously doesn't get her perfect bod sitting around in her robe in the morning.

Next week I'm going to give the 7 day trial membership a shot. If I feel like I can commit to getting up, I will join. I'm going to give it everything I have. I'm tired of fighting with myself to go after a 9 hour work day and a 2 hour commute. I'm tired of writing about losing and gaining the same 5 pounds all the time. Something has to change and change is so freaking hard for me.

In the meantime, all you morning people, let me know your secrets. Keep in mind my mother said I've never been a morning person, from the day I was born :)

B*tches and Baseball

Last night our neighbors got Braves tickets last minute and invited us along. We had great seats 13 rows behind home plate and it was the most fun I've ever had at a game. Of course it was a great game and we beat the Mets but the company was even better. We have grown so close to them and the laughs never stop. They are both actor/models and extraordinarily good looking (not our normal 'crowd') but they are completely normal, down to earth people that constantly entertain me.

Now, on to the b*tches. We were sitting very close to the players "wives" section (if you can call it that!) I wish I had a video camera because words cannot just do justice to what we witnessed in that section last night. There were 2 Paris Hilton types sitting next to each other. Both wearing tiny dresses and 6 inch heels. We had to be careful not to stare too long because the glare off the diamonds could have burned out our retinas. They sat identically cross legged, with legs as long as I am, chomping gum and simultaneously texting on their Blackberries. Neighbor wife and I were playing the "guess the cost of her giant Chanel bag sitting on the floor" game when they suddenly stood up, hiked up their skirts and started doing stripper dances for Chipper Jones who was next up to bat. He was doing that revolting lizard like tongue thing back at them. Chipper is known for having many children with different wives and girlfriends (one being a Hooters waitress) but there were so many little kids down in front, with his name on the back of their little jerseys, and he's acting like a complete prick. Not to mention all the little kids around the girls. Seriously good entertainment though ;)

I'm going to a Gala this evening which sounds fancy doesn't it? We got together with all the other friends on our street and bought a table which raises money to put up historical monuments in our neighborhood where major events happened during the Battle of Atlanta. We are actually going to get to go INSIDE the East Lake Country Club where the final leg of the PGA tour is played every year. It's only 2 blocks from our house but we've never been inside the clubhouse. We did get to spend the day inside the grounds for the Tour once and I hope to do that again one day too. I'm wearing a dress which hurts my sunburned shoulders but at least I have something to wear that fits. It doesn't look horrible either!

Oh and since this is a weight loss blog, I weighed in this morning the same as last week. I'm happy about that since I traveled this week and had my yearly non-turkey hot dog at the baseball game. Hope everyone has a wonderful, relaxing weekend. It's supposed to be mid 80s and less humid here. Bring it on!! :)

I'm back and I'm burned!

view from the balcony!

Just a slight sunburn, from floating in the glorious Gulf of Mexico for an hour yesterday. I'm SO thankful I got to do that even though it meant getting all undressed, down to the beach, dressed again and immediately transported back to the hell which is Atlanta airport. At least the pain of arriving back was slightly diminished when I helped some poor woman find her way through the airport. She was in tears and said she was from Kansas and had never seen anything like it. I was so happy to help her and got her where she needed to go.

So now I'm back at my desk with only the slight tingling of my shoulders to remind me of the past 2 days. The food was good but it wasn't exceptional so I didn't overdo it at the conference. Yesterdays lunch was a gorgeous grilled grouper sandwich eaten beach-side. That's the best thing about eating in Florida is that I love grilled seafood and am never tempted to eat anything other than that. I had a bite of Key Lime Pie which was plenty although my frozen Rum Runner was probably not the best calorie wise. Luckily there was only time for one of those ;)

I feel refreshed and relaxed and happier than I have in a while. It's amazing what sunshine and ocean does to my spirit. I'm committed to doing whatever it takes to get me back there some day whether it be sooner or later. I need to let go of things I have no control of and allow myself be led down the path of what's next for me. In the mean time, I'm focusing on what I do have control over which is my happiness and my health.

Now, I'm off to catch up on some blogs that I haven't been able to read for the last few days!

Monday Ramblings

I'm so tired today! It was one of those weird drives to work where I felt like I was going to nod off. I just kept drinking my coffee but still feel like I'm in a haze. I thought some blog writing and reading would ease me into the week.

I did okay this weekend. Not great but not horrible either. I didn't drink too much but there was an incident with a chocolate croissant and some ice cream. Luckily the ice cream wasn't much and it was the Edy's low-fat variety. Any over-eating was purely out of boredom.

I came to a huge standstill on my paint scraping when I realized that so many of the clapboards are going to need to be replaced that we might as well get someone to replace them all. That left me really bummed and without a project for the weekend. I tried to just sit around and relax but that's something I have a seriously hard time doing. At one point my husband found me sitting on the deck reading Real Simple and said he was happy to see me doing nothing. I laughed and told him I was reading an article titled "10 ways to do nothing". At least I was doing something while doing nothing ;)

Tomorrow I'm traveling to Marco Island for work and unfortunately it's a packed schedule and it's all work. I hope to at least get 5 minutes to put my toes in the sand or jump in a pool. We're staying at a gorgeous beach resort so it's a shame I won't have more time to enjoy it. I'm bringing my workout clothes in hopes of getting some time to get some exercise. It's going to be a challenge!

In other news, I've applied for some more jobs. Fingers crossed everyone...mama needs some new siding!

I hope everyone had a great weekend. I will be back on Thursday!

Friday!

I'm really looking forward to getting away from my desk at the end of this day. The weather is so gorgeous and cool this morning all I wanted to do was go out for a big walk with the dogs. On my way to work I passed lots of people doing just that. Some day I will have a flexible schedule. I just have to keep telling myself that.

My average mile on the treadmill last night was 18:45! Down from my 19.8. :) I did 2.6 miles in about 50 minutes with warm-up and cool down. I burned 400 calories too! It was tough to go faster and run more but it felt great and I probably wouldn't have stopped if my shins weren't screaming out for some relief. Midway through this gazelle like Paris Hilton thing got on the treadmill next to me. I kept focus on what I was doing and kept my little legs flying. I was drenched in sweat and sung out loud all the way home on a virtually empty highway. Love those kinds of workouts.

I have the house to myself tonight so I'm thinking HGTV and some sushi AFTER my 5th night in a row at the gym. I caught myself thinking I'd done enough working out this week and had to snap myself back into "losing 100 pounds mode". Back then I did cardio 5-6 days a week and not 3-4. There's a big difference for me and I'm trying to get back to THAT being the norm. Lord help me :)

Hope everyone has a lovely, relaxing weekend and thanks as always for such awesome support!