Hello crazy new world. I’ve been writing this post in my head for the entire time we’ve been quarantined. It’s been too much to process and put into words - which I guess is normal. WTF is normal anyway?

As one of the worlds biggest extroverts, this has NOT been easy.

I gained SIX POUNDS in the first 2 weeks of quarantina. I had the same GET ALL THE FOODS reaction as if a hurricane was coming. I also stress bake - all with the intention of giving it away - but still eating a ton of it!! I got my shit together though - got rid of ALL the chocolate in the house my amazing boyfriend surprised me with a pandemic Peloton!

Peloton has been life changing. Not just the bike, but the app with millions of other workouts and the ever-growing community. My schedule was packed every week with group workouts and suddenly it was empty and up to me to fill. Their instructors are motivating and positive and laugh out loud funny at times. Working out at home was suddenly really fun.

I’ve even learned to enjoy my at home yoga thanks to my dedicated teachers giving their time to keep teaching online. I don’t see myself wanting to go back to a gym anytime soon so I’ve canceled Orange Theory and the YMCA but have kept my yoga studio membership and will continue to do so. That’s my place.

I did feel like I was getting the the hang of the new reality but that’s a hell of a lot easier when you have no work. Which I haven’t. As of Friday, I lost my main source of income which has been really nice to have for the last 8 years as a freelancer. I knew it was coming - I’ve maybe been putting in 20 hours a week and getting paid for full time in the last 2 months. I have the network and the ability to find work if there is work to be found but I haven’t had to market myself in a really long time and I’m not young anymore. It’s scary. It’s unknown. Those things that freak me out the most!

As it would happen, last week I was clipping in for a ride and my foot slipped and I could no longer bend my knee. My GOOD knee. I was SO mad at myself that I let it happen even though it’s slippery AF. And now it’s been a week since I’ve been able to do anything but walk. It’s about 90% better but just so damn slow to heal and frustrating.

So yeah, not a positive post. I’m feeling my age. Past my prime. And my anxiety is at an all time high.

Because I’m really afraid.

Everyone thinks they are right and everyone else is wrong. But no one really knows. I’m having to take a break from scrolling Facebook because so much self righteousness prevails in a time where we should be coming together - being kind and understanding - not critical. But, when I see people out in big groups, it’s panic inducing and that in itself is me judging others. Even though it’s a physical reaction. Again, fear.

I know I’m not alone and everyone is going through similar things. Worse things even. I have 2 dear friends who have been diagnosed. Women my age. And I’m sure I will know more.

I will keep checking in. I know how lucky I am to have a home, the most incredible quarantine partner and best friend as well as a full menagerie of animals to keep us entertained. And wonderful friends who I cannot wait to hug and squeeze and sweat with.

I’ll leave you with the words of the immortal TSwift - my current mantra…

“We all got crowns. You need to calm down.”