Accountability

Now that my self proclaimed "year of discovery" has come to an end and the "putting it all into action" year has started, I think I've finally narrowed it to what really works for me. That thing is accountability.

I've got that more than covered in the exercise department with my trainer, my yoga instructor who both make me look forward to seeing them AND getting a great workout. I'm still finding it challenging to fit in as much cardio as I need to.

Food wise, I'm back to basics and back to Weight Watchers. I find that having that meeting in the back of my mind keeps me honest all week and damn I love that sticker! I was laughing about the sticker thing with my trainer and she said "girls just like stickers". I'm already spending a small fortune on my adventures in fitness.

Now that I finally get all settled in my new routine, there's a HUGE wrench thrown in. I'm starting a 4 week consulting job. Onsite at the client. Back out in the burbs. For anyone reading who doesn't know, I worked in the suburbs of Atlanta (I live in the city) for 7 years. 50 miles a day round trip. 1 hour each way on a good day, 2 on a bad one. It almost killed me until I started working for myself and was finally able to establish a workout routine.

I'm so excited about this job and I know I will do what it takes to fit it all in. I'm just a little nervous about eating right and exercising while commuting again. Oh and did I mention I'll be up at 5am? I will use my mad planning and organization skillz to make sure I have all my food and workout gear. I'm really hoping they have a kick-ass gym I can use. It's a pretty fancy building and I'll have my badge so fingers crossed. It would be so much easier to workout before sitting in traffic for an hour. The ONLY good thing about the burbs is I can finally use my Costco membership!

So here's to accountability and constant change. I guess that makes my blog slightly more interesting!

Gravity

"No-one ever told me what happens after you turn 40"

I seem to say this a lot in my blog. Why? Because it truly blows. And I'm not even a vain person! Can't see as well, can't lose weight as easily, already waking up soaking wet from night sweats, and boy howdy are body parts headed south.

I have always promised myself no negative self-talk on my yoga mat but when you are surrounded by mirrors on 3 sides and part of the practice is to focus on your eyes in the mirror, it just sometimes happens.

I've done so much damage to myself. 30 years of gaining and losing weight. How much of it can ever be fixed? Will my boobs ever point forward again? How can the skin on the inside of my thigh suddenly be sagging? Will I ever have a belly that doesn't hang below my shirt?

My muscles are taking great shape underneath this sagging outer layer that literally weighs me down. The more fat I lose, the more it sags.

I hugged my yoga instructor before class and I touched her stomach. I've never felt anything like it in my life. It was like touching a rock. I suddenly realize it's something I will never know. It's kind of sad.

This bit of frustration will in no way deter me from my goals. It just means I need to work harder (and maybe start saving some money for plastic surgery)

Back in the groove - me and about a billion other people

Happy new year everyone!

My regular readers probably know that I'm usually a very positive person. Especially with the prospect of a fresh year ahead but honestly, I totally dread this time of year. The new years resolutioners clogging up the gym cause my anxiety levels to skyrocket. This year seems better so far since I have a smaller gym with less members and a trainer. Yoga on the other hand is going to be a nightmare tonight. The more people in the hot room the hotter it is which makes it hard to breathe and the smell is unbearable. I do have a plan though. Park far away. Arrive early to claim MY spot (all the regulars know my spot). Put a little Vicks or lavender oil under my nose. I WILL get through it KNOWING that half of the people breathing up my oxygen won't be back next week.

A survey of the damage from the holidays yielded only a 4 lb. gain but boy do I have some dark circles under my eyes from too much drinking and too much sugar. I only exercised about a quarter of what I usually do but I look at that as a victory! Last year I didn't do any. A week of clean eating and exercise will get rid of all of that.

Now for the goals for 2012:

1. Onederland by June when the Lulu Lemon store opens a store in the city. It's only 35 pounds and then I can buy my fancy pants. They only go up to a 12. I know I can do that.

2. Successfully do Floor Bow without being handed my left foot. (This is the only pose I can't do in Bikram!)

















3. Take a spin class - totally terrifies me.

4. Walk the 3-day for the 3rd time in honor of my Aunt Carol who passed away after an 11 year battle with Breast Cancer. She died 2 days before Christmas but was in so much pain it was a blessing!

5. BLOG MORE!

There's going to be a lot going on up in here this year so stay tuned!!!

The little victories

I can't believe it but I'm still in the groove and seriously motivated. I ate A LOT over the weekend but it's not so devastating to the diet when you are working for it. How is it that I'm two days away from being 42 and I'm just now realizing that?!?!

I don't have much time for a long post today but I wanted to make a note of my little non-scale victory today. I haven't had one of those in a while! My husband had surgery today for a hernia and after we got home, I ran out to get him some apple juice and his special request for a Twix bar. Normally I would have use HIS surgery to eat whatever I wanted (yeah, that's rational isn't it??) This time is different. This time I knew I would feel that way and I was prepared. Prepared with healthy food and prepared to say no. I picked up a Twix for him without so much as an urge to get one (or two) for myself. I had my 90 calorie granola thin planned for a sweet treat later and that is what I will have. AFTER yoga :)

I'm in a good place. Let's stay here for a while shall we?

better already

I've been back at the fat fight hard core and it's totally working. 8 lbs down since thanksgiving. It's funny how just a weeks work can make all the difference in my attitude, my energy level and everything else.

The extra energy is a blessing for all the work I have at the moment PLUS the time and energy needed for my monster workouts, the never ending piles of soaking wet gym clothes to be washed and cooking healthy for every meal.

Dangerous times ahead but I think I'm in a good place to make it through the holidays, birthdays, parties and everything else that comes in December!

Monday mixtape is BACK

Hooray for still feeling inspired! I worked out ALL through the Thanksgiving holiday weekend and because of that, I ate what I wanted and still lost 4 lbs.

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I haven't been pushing myself hard enough and have gotten too comfortable with my workouts. I think my trainer was feeling that too so she kicked it up a notch which is what made me remember what it felt like to be really sore - like serious weight loss sore. I need to live in that place for me to lose weight.

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For the first time in 2 years since I left the security of a full-time job, I feel like everything in place. I've found that work as a freelancer is plentiful as long as I work really hard. Now it's time to apply that to the fat fight.

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I restarted the couch to 5k and it's going well. Slow but well. I have the app on my ipad now which is nice so I don't have to watch the clock. If I had the iPhone it would be a LOT more convenient ~shakes fist at T-mobile~

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This is getting long so I will end with this...Does anyone else desire a pair of $98 Lulu Lemon workout pants as much as I do? New goal said aloud to trainer this morning - When I get to the magical Onederland I will buy myself some. 37 pounds to that goal. I'm ready!

Thankful and Inspired

Thanksgiving was perfection (as I knew it would be). I spent it surrounded by friends and neighbors and never left my street. We had appetizers at one house, dinner at another, and dessert at ours around the campfire. I'm still smiling today and so thankful for my awesome life.

Yesterday started with cheering on a friend in the Thanksgiving half marathon and it was really inspiring. There are so many fit people in this town and I've always had this burning desire to be one of them. One would think that would be enough for me to do what it takes to get there but somehow it's not. Most of the time I'm my own worst enemy.

At some point today, I'm restarting couch to 5k. I plan to start at week 1 but since it's probably not necessary to start completely over, I'll move up in weeks or do it twice. This time I swear I won't push myself to move on until I'm really ready. I got sick once after my first 20 minute run and it made me discouraged enough to stop completely.

Okay enough computer time. Time to get movin'!!

Not giving in

This morning in my core class I felt the effects of the way I've been eating literally getting in the way. My middle is growing again and it's making me miserable. I'm out of control and I have to reign it in.

My mantra for the coming week? Thanksgiving is ONE day, not a WEEK.

I know I can do this.

Technical difficulties

Not sure how this whole thing works but I'm trying to fix my hacked blog! I'm hoping that no-one thinks I've given it all up :) If anyone has any advice, I'd be thrilled to hear it. I've googled my brains out, removed the malicious code (I think) and resubmitted to google. I have no time for this nonsense!!

Same old same old here. Still happy, still busy (thankfully!), and still fat. I work out and then I eat to make up for it. I'm back seeing my trainer one on one which is like therapy to me and if that doesn't work, it's real therapy. I have issues. I horde linens and I eat :)

I'm hoping that getting back to blogging will help motivate me especially through the dangerous weeks ahead. I will not allow myself to be that person just getting started again on new years day. There's a good amount of time between now and then and I'm choosing to get a head start.

Monday Mixtape - Bittersweet Blogiversary Edition

Hi all. I totally apologize for my lack of updates but the usual craziness disclaimer applies. I know I've been bad when people are checking up on me.

Speaking of people checking up on me, y'all know that Shelley is my hero. I posed for this picture because it reminded me of her.

I haven't been on my bike in 7 years. First day - 4 blocks!

I just had my 3 year blogiversary but I chose not to acknowledge it because I don't feel very successful. Maybe that's a mistake and I should be celebrating all the progress I've made on the fitness front and I did say this year was about self discovery. I just don't feel like celebrating because I'm STILL not in control of my eating. Work has been even busier if that is even possible. After almost 2 years of owning my own business, I still can't say no to anything so I'm working an average of 12-14 hours a day. The days that get into the 'teens' range of hours are the dangerous days...the ones where my eating falls apart. Being too busy is the number one lamest excuse for being fat but sometimes I have to admit it's a huge factor.

I have 4 weeks until I go on the first vacation with my husband in over 3 years. We are going to the keys which to me, is heaven on earth. I could lose 10 pounds and be really happy so my goal is simply to keep up my pretty stellar workout routine, combine that with some calorie counting and hopefully get back to that feeling okay in a bathing suit place by then!

My mom said she didn't like my picture on my blog so I changed it. I just had to find a headshot for a business presentation so I used the same one. In case I've never said this before, my mom is always right!

Here's to a great week!