"No-one ever told me what happens after you turn 40"

I seem to say this a lot in my blog. Why? Because it truly blows. And I'm not even a vain person! Can't see as well, can't lose weight as easily, already waking up soaking wet from night sweats, and boy howdy are body parts headed south.

I have always promised myself no negative self-talk on my yoga mat but when you are surrounded by mirrors on 3 sides and part of the practice is to focus on your eyes in the mirror, it just sometimes happens.

I've done so much damage to myself. 30 years of gaining and losing weight. How much of it can ever be fixed? Will my boobs ever point forward again? How can the skin on the inside of my thigh suddenly be sagging? Will I ever have a belly that doesn't hang below my shirt?

My muscles are taking great shape underneath this sagging outer layer that literally weighs me down. The more fat I lose, the more it sags.

I hugged my yoga instructor before class and I touched her stomach. I've never felt anything like it in my life. It was like touching a rock. I suddenly realize it's something I will never know. It's kind of sad.

This bit of frustration will in no way deter me from my goals. It just means I need to work harder (and maybe start saving some money for plastic surgery)